Lazy Days and Holidays

It's that time of year again, where the family gathers at the table for a huge meal followed by a football-fueled food coma.  As we gather and give thanks, I reflect on my many blessings.  Even though there have been hardships (and plenty of them) in the last year, I still have my health and happiness.  Hell, I'm on the right side of the dirt for another day, so I must be doing something right.  I figure if a grim reaper that sounds like Norm MacDonald isn't hanging out the house, I guess I'm doing alright...  But, in all honesty, I am doing better than some out there.  I have a home, a family, and people around me that I pay well to remain friends with me (believe me when I say the check is in the mail, friends).  My parents are still with me, I have an awesome nephew who is just starting to get old enough where I can teach him fun things like burping and farting, and have a loving new family that has welcomed me into their lives with seemingly open arms.  Why Melissa's family likes me so much is a mystery to me, but I'll roll with it; maybe they just like me for me?  Either way, I'm much better off today than I was a few years back, so I'm grateful for these blessings.  Now if the job fairy could just come over and share some wealth, that'd work too.  If not, the lottery ticket is still good for tonight's drawing...

In parting, I wish to share a Happy Thanksgiving to all; may your blessings be as bountiful as mine and may your turkey be moist and delicious.  (Oh, and enjoy the four-day weekend as well)

Fantastic, it's Friday!

Mood:  Jovial.

Music:  "Bleed It Out" by Linkin Park

I remember a day in my not-so-distant past when I lived for Friday.  Today, ironically enough, would have been a payday Friday if I were still employed by Satan.  Instead, I'm happily not employed by those assholes anymore, though I do miss the paychecks...but overall, much happier without them dragging me down.

Reflectively speaking, I think a lot of my unhappiness was rooted in the fact that I hated my job.  I know that it is what you make of it, but when you are constantly unhappy with your employer, your attitude suffers as well.  Don't get me wrong, I miss seeing my cops and firefighters on a daily basis.  I miss the friendship, the conversations, and especially the laughs the 'twins' provided whenever they came to visit.  I feel, probably incorrectly if you ask them, like I am now somehow out of the family, which has been difficult to accept.  But again, I'm still happier that I am not working there.  I hated my boss, hated the policy changes, despised the meetings about meetings, and I would have rather given myself a root canal with a rusty spork than go to another all-staff meeting.  It's difficult to see how miserable you have become until you're outside the perspective and able to reflect on the things that made you unhappy.  I miss a few of my coworkers as well, but the ones that I really want to see I still have contact with...so it's still a win in that sense, in my mind.  I still talk to some of my cops, I still text my firefighter friends, and I have drinks / lunch with the coworkers...all without having to get up and drag my ass to a job I hate, work for a douchebag boss, and abide by policies that have liked changed since I woke up.  Win/Win in my books.

Now, in the freedom that is my life for the here-and-now, I consider everyday "Friday".  I'm happy almost everyday for one reason or another, not worrying about what day of the week it actually is.  Sure, I miss having a schedule and a routine, but sometimes the freedom of not worrying about clean clothes that are presentable for work makes up for the fact that I get up when I want, do what I want, wear what I want, and answer the phone if I want.  My here-and-now allows me the freedom to decompress from the last four years working for 'the man' and being miserable.  It's like an extended defragmentation of my brain that has been long overdue for some time now.  It has allowed me the time to get to the things that have typically be back-burnered for some time now.

On a positive note, a position was posted today for an IT job at my fiance's sister's place of employment and she's running a hand-delivered copy of my resume to their HR people as I type this.  Could end up being a good Friday afterall! ;)

Goals for today:

1. Finish paper for friend.
2. Take bad board out of the TV to get that send in on RMA.
3. Try to find a replacement board for the TV online so I don't have to pay a local shop to come install it for me.
4. 60 minutes on the treadmill or in the pool tonight.
5. Healthy dinner and in bed by 2300.

Day 3 Begins

Mood:  Reflective.

Music:  "Under and Over It" by Five Finger Death Punch

I've toyed with the silly notion several times this year so far that I am going to get fit and eat healthier.  I've started, and stopped, started...and well, convenience and a busy lifestyle always got the best of me and I ended up with a $8 debit transaction and a Whopper in the car.  But that needs to change.  Again.

I have several things pending in my life that have a lot riding on the fact that I need to get in shape.  A job, for one.  As many of you know, I tested and passed the Honolulu Police test in May of 2011.  As I prepared to embark on the journey of getting in shape for the physical in August, my ortho strongly discouraged my participation in the physical testing portion in fear that I would re-injure my ankle.  As we all know, the biggest fear I have is to undo years of surgeries and physical therapy and start over in the quest that has become the biggest fustercluck of my life thus far.  Disheartened, I withdrew from consideration for the academy class of DEC11.  I have no idea if I would have even made it to the academy or not, but I left the island with a great deal of consternation and unhappiness in July.  Since then, I have found myself in a slightly depressive funk on a regular basis.  It affected my (then) job and my personal relationships with friends and family.  I vowed I would get back on track for many reasons, but beating my funk was top of my list at the time.

Another reason I need to get my tubby self in shape is because I asked my girlfriend to marry me in October.  While marriage, in and of itself, does not require a specific shape, I want to start this new chapter in my life looking better, feeling better, and living healthier so I want to be active and have fun.  I know that my previous attempt failed because we both were lazy and never wanted to do anything, among other things.  I want to be the guy that my girl is proud to have my her side, not an additional pull of gravity she drags around.  She deserves that, and I want to give it to her.

So comes the task at hand.  In the past two days, I have restarted my diet.  I am looking at having a 2000 calorie day each day, combined with some form of daily exercise.  I was 500 over on Nov 1st and 300 over on Nov 2nd, so not hitting my goal yet...but I figured it has to be better than the 3000+ I assume I was consuming prior to the start of the month.  I know that eating better will help, but not without the addition of exercise to the diet.  For whatever reason, we skipped the gym on Tuesday, and I regret that decision.  Yesterday it was snowy and crappy out, and my mood wasn't the best, so we stayed home and had dinner and watched TV instead.  Today is a different story since Melissa works until 1500 instead of a mid-shift, so we'll have time to get things done before dinner unlike Tuesday and Wednesday...  It's odd how simple a few hours of the day can throw off a schedule, but it's something I am going to have to get used to with her new job.  After training, she'll be working 1000-1900, but that's another story for another time.  We just need to set a schedule and stick to it.  I'm motivated, she's motivated, but now we just get to get on the same page.

The last task I need to accomplish is getting a regular sleep schedule again.  Since being laid off 45 days ago, I have not slept a full night or at the right times.  I am positive that this lack of meaningful sleep is contributing to my issues and funk, so I need to correct it.  No more 0300 bedtimes or noon wake ups...I need to set a serious schedule and stick to it.  I think 2300 bedtimes are reasonable, but getting out of bed by 0800 is going to be the difficulty since I haven't actually done that in months, even before I lost my job (which, by the way, had nothing to do with getting laid off - I don't think they know just how much I hated my previous job and was literally never there to this day...).

Goals for today:

1. Write paper for friend.
2. Make healthy lunch and take short nap to regular sleep schedule.
3. Get old electronics together for trip to GameStop to try to sell back things I don't use.
4. 60 minutes on the treadmill or in the pool tonight.
5. Healthy dinner and in bed by 2200.